1. The Mako Tire Deflator Attachment
For a Glorious 150 dollars, you can add a pointy stick thingy to the end of your AR-15 barrel. Its purpose you ask? To stab tires. It attaches directly to your barrel over your flash hider, and you can supposedly fire your weapon with this attached.
As someone who’s worked checkpoints overseas, I still can’t see a use for this. Admittedly I was working a war zone checkpoint, and if a vehicle ran the check point, we had really effective ways of stopping it. Mostly ways that involved a machine gun.
Let’s go ahead and say for everyday Joes like you and I we don’t need this, it’s dumb. Is there any real application for police and military? Anything a 40 dollar bayonet won’t do? I’m not the top dog operator, and for the benefit of the doubt let’s say there are situations where using your rifle’s barrel is the best way to pop a tire. Is the Mako Tire Deflator the best way to do it?
The little spiky thing will likely pop a tire without issue. However, given that it’s shaped kinda like a syringe what’s the likelihood of tire rubber getting stuck in there? If tire rubber is stuck in the device is it possible to fire the weapon safely? I’m not trying it, but if you do, for science, I’ll buy you a happy meal.
Ridiculous Rating 3 out of 5
-Making grilled Kebabs
-Turning your AR into a Spear
2. Rail Mounted Battle Axe
I want to think the fellas at Melee Mods designed this mod as a joke. I would confirm it, but Google keeps popping up unsafe warnings about their website, so I’m not investigating further. This Rail Mounted axe attaches directly to your Picatinny rail system. It’s a ‘bearded’ axe, so I guess it gets points for being the coolest kind of axe. Let’s face it; no tactical operator is complete without a tactical beard. As a tactical beard owner, I want my axes bearded too.
Okay, so a bayonet is still a passively accepted way to attach a melee weapon to a rifle. The military still issues bayonets to most troops, and there have been a few actual uses of the bayo in the War on Terror. However, the bayonet is lightweight, and handy as a knife when not mounted.
Now, can I say the same about a rail mounted battle axe? No, I cannot. It’s significantly heavier, and massive in size. It’s to be used without being attached to a gun. Plus is it effective at all? Would I ever be capable of swinging my axe like a knight? Not only that but is my rail system, and delta ring gonna be able to take the abuse of using the Axe as an actual axe? I doubt it, but I’ll offer a happy meal for the first guy to cut wood with an AR-15 mounted axe.
Ridiculous Rating 5 out of 5
-I got nothing.
3. Jolly Roger Gun Stocks AR Tomahawk Stock
Let’s stick to the theme of sticking Axes on AR-15s. Yes, it has happened more than once, and I can call it a theme. The newest being the Jolly Roger AR tomahawk stock. What’s really interesting is that the company, Jolly Roger, makes legit stocks for bolt action rifles. I can’t help but wonder if these Tomahawk stocks (not to be confused with Troy’s PDW stocks) are simply a means to get people talking.
If so it’s working. So instead of placing an Axe on your Picatinny rail, the Jolly Roger Stock puts an axe on the rear end of the rifle. The Jolly Roger website is pretty bare bones on information about these stocks. Looking at the pictures, it’s clear they are well made. What’s also clear is the fact these are not actually designed to be used as Axes or Tomahawks. At least it appears they aren’t actually sharp enough to harm anyone. Which is great because you won’t hurt yourself when shooting with one.
However, what’s the point of this 200 dollar stock, that still requires a rifle length buffer tube? If I’m attaching an Axe to my gun, I want to be able to do axe things. Like kill zombies, chop down down a tree, and axe questions.
Ridiculous Rating 1 out of 5
-Ability to make Axe based puns while using it.
4. Fab Defense UTA 19
Fab Defense is another company that moves between making cool gun gear and absolute WTFs. The UTA 19 is in the WTF category. It stands for Universal Tactical Attachment, which is already a vague buzzwordy name. Its purpose you ask? To add a Glock 19 to your AR-15. It attaches to your bottom rail via Picatinny mount, and then an attachment slides up into the Glock’s frame and holds underneath your rail system.
This turns your Glock 19 into a forward grip that’s mounted way too low. The idea is that this easier and faster to use when reloading your rifle. Maybe it is faster to grab your Glock and start Glocking, but it can’t be more efficient. First, how do I aim this thing? Guesswork and magic?
Let’s not forget the additional weight you are adding to your gun. There also a little thing called sympathetic movement. If you are using your Glock as a forward grip are you may accidentally fire both weapons at once due to sympathetic movement.
Lastly, there are some serious legal implications that don’t seem to be mentioned here. Like, the potential to turn a Glock 19 into an SBR. You gotta register it, pay a tax, and wait for a stamp to come back. If you don’t, you may be looking at fines and jail time. It’s impractical, can be illegal, and just plain dumb.
Ridiculous Rating 4 out of 5
-Step 1 Attach rail under desk,
-Step 2 Mount UTA 19 under Desk
-Step 3 Mount Glock under desk
-Step 4 Defend yourself against work Gunsticles and Tac Sac
5. Gunsticles and Tac Sac
Ever see those dudes with jacked up trucks driving around with a pair of overly large plastic testicles hanging from them? If you are a man of taste and class, you may have them on your truck. Why should the elegance of displaying your testicles end at your truck? Now you can mount a set to your AR-15.
One of the joys of capitalism is competition. So you have a choice when it comes to adorning your gun with testicles. You can go with Gunsticles or the Tac Sac.
Gunsticles ($23) hang from a rail cover by a ring. These free ranging injection molded testicles sway in the breeze. They offer viewers a childlike sense of wonder as they rattle back and forth with the recoil of every shot.
The Tac Sac is for the less artistic and more for operators operating operationally. They are rigid and strong, ready to be grabbed and used to manipulate the barrel. This is a vertical foregrip that is both stunning to look at, and a wonder to literally behold.
Ridiculous Rating 2 out of 5 (Low rating because it’s an intentional joke)
-Hang them on your truck as Truck nuts?
-Makes an interesting Paperweight
-I hate this with my soul
6. Tuffforce 4 side rail muzzle brake (or break in this case)
I’m starting to hate this list. It’s turning me into the kind of jaded gun writer that sits in the writer’s room at Shot Show and rants about how everything is for AR-15s and unoriginal.
Someone liked this idea enough to patent it. It’s a muzzle device that is outfitted with four Picatinny rails. Picatinny rails are used to attach stuff to a firearm. What the hell would you attach to a muzzle device outside of a suppressor? The left and right side of the device have both rails and four ports. Ports bleed off gas, gas from an explosion. Anything mounted to the sides of this device won’t be there very long.
The gas from a muzzle brake will destroy a rail system if the rail envelopes the brake. So what exactly will this thing hold and not destroy?
Oh but wait I can mount a front sight and have a longer sight radius! You’ll also have your front and rear sights on different planes, so have fun with that. There is no good reason to have…. I mean unless you mount Gunsticles or the Tac Sac to it.
Ridiculous rating 5 out of 7 Perfectly Ridiculous
-Mount pistol bayonets to each side, then when you shoot those bayonets will be thrown off wildly, turning your gun into a gun that launches knives sideways.
-I hate this.
7. Browning Rail Security System Knife
Engineer A – Hey man have you ever wanted to attach a knife to your gun?
Engineer B – Like a bayonet?
Engineer A – No, like on the rail system.
Engineer B – Promote this man.
Somewhere at Browning, this conversation took place. Maybe not at Browning, but they did decide to attach their name to it. A company that makes absolutely gorgeous and functional hunting rifles, shotguns and a few handguns decided to stick their name on a knife and holster that attaches to a Picatinny rail system. These are the same people who make the Hi Power, the BAR, and the Citori.
So this knife and sheath system does feature the Blade Tech Tek Lok system to mount to a belt as well. That’s way too suburban and would likely get in the way of my Karambit and Ghurka on my belt. So instead I’ll mount it to my gun. This way when I run out of ammo, I can pull my knife and go John Wick on everyone.
As I’m getting to the bottom of the list, I keep finding myself thinking why, and ultimately it’s like that butt plug fidget spinner, the real question is why not? If you’ve got Picatinny rail the logical solution is find something to attach to it right? So why not a knife?
The thing is the knife is a knife, the sheath is nice, the Tek Lock attachment is nice, but why would someone ever mount one to a pic rail? I can’t even.
Ridiculous rating 4 out of 5
-Just use it as a normal knife.
-Kill me with it so I can stop this countdown.
8. The Mule Stock
Stuff like this is the reason God, Odin, Buddha, Zeus, and whatever other gods folks believe in, don’t talk to us anymore. The Mule Stock is built to be a combination stock, holster, and boat paddle. I originally thought they were vaporware, but apparently, they exist. The Mule is an AR-15 stock that opens to reveal the hidden handgun of choice. Not necessarily hidden because the thing is freakin massive.
The bottom of the stock hinges open, and you can retrieve your sidearm of choice. Is this better than a holster? If it is I don’t see how. It’s not faster to transition, and it requires you to stop operating operationally to open the stock and retrieve the gun. The Mule can’t even hold a duty sized firearm and is designed to hold guns with barrels shorter than 4 inches.
Trying to think of where this would come in handy and I can only think of one use, and even then it’s a terrible use. If you use a rifle for home defense, you use the Mule to carry a backup gat in case the main gun breaks or runs out of ammo. I’m really reaching here, and that’s the only real need I can even fathom. Even then, just use a mag coupler and call it a day.
Ridiculous Rating 4 out of 5
-Turns your AR-15 into a boat oar for Maritime Kayak operations
-Can store a ton of Skittles
This article took me way too long to write. In the beginning, I was enthusiastic, and by the end, I was like a Russian writer in the 1940s. Hopeless. Anyway, these are the most ridiculous things I could find for the AR-15. For some reason, I bet there is even more out there. If I’ve written about your product and you feel I haven’t given it a fair shake, write me, and we can discuss it. [email protected] .